After my surgery was completed I managed to continue to lose weight even without working out. I stuck to eating good and I was so relieved to see my results. A month after my surgery I had visited with my knee specialist and he was amazed at how well and quickly I was recovering from the surgery. I was very anxious to get clearance to be able to put weight back on my leg and start with a rehab program. I finally got that clearance 2 weeks later and when I stepped on the scale I weighed the lowest I had in over 13 plus years. Aside from dealing with the pain from my rehab program I never felt so good. For the first time since starting my weight loss journey I actually could feel the difference. I noticed a big changed in the clothes I was able to wear and it all seem to happen over night. Obviously it didn't happen over night and it was a result from my decision to change my lifestyle back in 2010 but it was the first time since I started that I actually felt different. I'm not sure if it was because I had time to actually think about what I had accomplished and wasn't thinking about my next workout but I just felt different.
I had finally reached a part of my journey where I really started to appreciate everything I had accomplished. I wasn't worried about trying to be an inspiration to others or beating myself up because I always felt like I could have done better. When I look back now I was at the moment of my journey where I really could have been successful. Unfortunately as time went on and I was able to be more active I let my addiction with unhealthy food take over and I slowly began to gain weight again. I thought because I was working out that I could eat whatever I wanted. My thinking was all wrong once again. I was justifying what I ate because of my physical activity and didn't even bother to think about the affects of all this unhealthy eating. As time went on my workout started to decrease and my bad eating habits continued. I avoided the scale as I feared what it would show.
That brings me to today. I'm currently 334.6lb which means I'm still technically down 44lbs from when I started this journey but also means that I've gained 52lbs since last summer. I've slowly started to notice the affects from this weight gain. The knee I had surgery on hurts more frequently than before, I have constant lower back pain, I struggle with my workouts and the pain from them and I just feel like crap in general. I'm so frustrated with myself for letting this get so out of hand. I feel like I just threw all that hard work away and for what...my inability to deal or manage my food addiction. My training efforts have not been as committed as they once were and I'm finding it very difficult to get back on the right path. It feels like I'm starting all over again which I actually am in a way. I feel kind of lost and discouraged right now so that's why I've decided to come back to writing. In a way I guess I'm looking for a fresh start but at the same time I don't want to forgot about all the factors that helped me be successful.
|My Weight March 3- 2014|
tomorrow and so on. I have so much support out there if I want it but I'm the only person who is going to be able to control my success.
I've decided that I would not be sharing these blog post like I did in the past. I don't want to seem like a failure nor do I want it to look like I'm looking for pity. So if you happen to come across these blog post from now on I would just like to say thank you for reading.